January into February as we tried to grapple with the tragedy that happened around my wife’s family was extremely tough. And as I looked back at the horrendous year of 2018 I just kept remembering what God promised me. That it was going to be a tough year, but that I would grow closer to him then I ever have. I believed Him at the time no doubt. But what I did not realize till the end was how tough the year was. But beyond a shadow of a doubt I drew in closer to our Lord then I ever have been. Now even better than that was I saw my family draw in closer to the Lord as well. So everything he told me and showed me came true. Our God is a God that fulfills the promises he bestow’s upon us.
So as I am reflecting on 2018, the Lord shows me this vision of green fields. I mean beautiful green meadows. The sun beaming bright on its beautiful greenery. As I am in this field I am at peace with joy and warmth all around me. And he presses on me that green fields means its time to plant. Now as we plant we need to be aware that open fields means we are out in the open for attacks. Now I am not speaking of the wars around the worlds or our environment here in the US. I am speaking of the spiritual attack
Now let me give you the run down of 2019 since the scene is set. And thank of the drum role at this point. Because, well that is honestly how I feel.
In 2018 my wife and I launched a young adults class targeting 18-28 years. This is what God placed on our hearts so we launched it. With everything that happened in 2018 it was hard so 2019 we refocused and hit it hard. It was tough at times there would only be one or two people show up. I would leave heart broke decimated at the simple fact that I was taking time away from my family to step out. But the fruit was not there. I questioned everything my calling, my relationship, and doubt set in. This is how the enemy starts to crack our armor. He takes the promise and word of God and twists it. And once the seed is planted in our minds, which is weak in nature and takes it and runs.
You see once I started listening to God and to the ones God placed around me, things started to change. We went from 1 or 2 to busting out of the seems in our classroom. Yes as our class grew the spiritual attacks grew. I would be sitting at my desk and all of a sudden smell meth. That is strait from the pit of hell because there was no one at my job smoking meth. I would be driving home and smell cigarettes in my truck or Alcohol. I have not touched anything of the sort since Aug of 2015. Once the enemy realized that the Lord almighty delivered me from my addictions of the sort he changed tactics. He started attacking me with my past. Things I did while I was using drugs. Those images would pop into my mind. And for a moment I allowed porn back into my house. I allowed the Jezebel spirit in and I removed it just as quick.
As similar attacks grew stronger so did we, and I now see why. You see my wife’s practice started to grow, our class started to grow, and I started preaching on Sunday’s at a teen rehab center. All they while we started battling and fighting some battles that became new to both my wife and I. During this time I allowed the enemy to still my Joy, and became extremely grouchy around my wife my kids. It was almost unbearable for them to be around me. I felt like a complete hypocrite when I realized what I was doing. Yes I was still preaching and still going to church, but I was a completely different person at home then I was anywhere else.
I feel into the trap that most Christians find themselves in and that is we put on the mask while at church. Our family sees the real us but oh no not the people at church. But that is what the devil wants and when I realized that I stopped it. And once I leaned into Christ to help me through this he opened the door to allow me to be in ministry full time.
Once I stepped through that door and stepped into the lush green field fully exposed I feel the devil has completely allowed his minions free rain on the attack of my family and I. The finances have been under attack our minds have been under attack, my wife is facing something she never has before and I am battling new things everyday.
But here is the Glory and Beauty of our Lord Jesus Christ. Are you ready? Because I sit here in tears as I wright this. These attacks and battles with anger and depression like we have never faced before. THEY MEAN NOTHING why because MY GOD is stronger and mightier then the minions of the devil. I look at these new battles and I see us being attacked by flesh and spirit both and I truly take great pride in it. I am in tears right now because I do not deserve what I have.
I do not deserve to be able to speak life into the young adults he has blessed us with. I do not deserve to be able to preach to the young men at the addiction home on Sundays. I do not deserve to be able to speak life into the men at the addiction home I work at. I do not deserve to have the beautiful wife and amazing beautiful daughters that I have. Because of the life I lived and had I do not deserve it. I deserve an eternity in hell. BUT GOD sent his Son who died on a cross so I didn’t have to. And that Son defeated death and paid more my sins so I don’t have to spend eternity in hell.
I don’t deserve the things I have but an amazing loving Father blessed me with an amazing wife, and 3 beautiful daughters. He allowed me to have the strongest mother than anyone could have. (I am biased) He blessed me with an amazing house and people to breathe life into me. He placed me in the greatest church that could breathe life into me when I failed. One that He used to breathe life into my marriage and breathe life into my kids.
You see what I deserve is to be dead in a ditch in Dallas because of a drug overdose. But my God rescued me from that life and planted my feet on a solid foundation of Jesus Christ. And yes the devil can attack that all he wants but the blood of Christ sealed that firm and not even the devil himself can damage that Why because my God tells me that none shall be plucked from his hand.
All you have to do is believe take that step. And when you step get ready.
2020 the vision he gave me was Death…..And the word he laid upon me was LEAD..
One thought on “From Pain there is Always Growth Part 2”
Awesome brother –
The Lord says “to Joshua”
1:5 for I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.
1:6 be strong and courageous
1:7 be strong and very courageous
1:9 I command you be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.